Moments Of Prose...

I fear that I've seen way too much,
For just one soul...
The burdens of many placed in my heart,
So many people who's paths I've touched,
They lost control...
Their mistakes caused because of me..
Simply for me...just one soul

I return to my path where I walk alone,
Towards a home I do not have...
The home I do not seek to have...
The home I've yet to find...
The home I shall not find for my soul...

I follow this path...my journey unknown,
This path way that leads me on...
The journey through my soul...
And the souls of all the others fallen
I am stained with their blame and accept it.

Wounded again, quietly I sigh...
Please just let me rest tonight...
I fear that I've seen too much...

Walking beneath a darkened sky,
My breath freezes from the cold...
For just one soul, I've seen too much...
And I'm not sure I can see much longer...
Not sure I can breathe much longer...
Not sure what the point is of too much...
For just one soul.

My Hometown

It's not that I'm searching and cannot find it...
It's just there is no place that calls me back...
With fond memories and happy thoughts...
These feelings...I guess...I lack...

My home is where I rest my head,
And rarely ever the same place,
Nothing to go back to, nothing I miss...
And for this, I feel no disgrace.

I'd rather be a free spirit...
Then chained down by lock and key...
You look at me with puzzled eyes...
For behind those bars, you just can't see.

I can't miss something I never had...
And it really is not bringing me down...
I'm doing great, living life my way...
I have no need for a hometown.

Laid To Rest - With Regret and Relief

'Tis the very first day of my eighteenth year...
With regret and relief, I am finally here.
There are tears of sorrow, and tears of peace...
And though conflicted, my soul is released.

To go back and change things, I wish I could...
But, if it took going back, I know I never would...
A little girl is laid to rest, I place flowers beside her bed.
I stroke her face and tell her all the words that were never said.
'Tis a dark daunting path ahead and 'tis difficult to see.
And only a whisper voices these thoughts that arise in me.
My faltering feet my lack the courage and wish to never dare,
To tread upon this unsure ground, but, somehow I'll make it there.
'Tis the very first day, the very first hour, Of my one and only eighteenth year...
It shall only come once and never again, With regret and relief...I am here.

Apologies Without Cures

I think I finally got it...
I think I found my answer...
I think for once in my life-
The picture's finally clear.

How can I put this...
You really put me on well...
And I never thought that-
I'd be left standing here.

So, tell me what happens...
When the best of intentions...
And all of your promises-
Fail to endure.

Tell me where to go when...
The one that I trusted...
The one that I believed in-
Does not have the cure.

I think I broke my own heart...
When I saw the real you...
It shattered into pieces-
By my very own hands.

You told me to keep running...
You told me not to look back...
But, I had to see it-
I didn't understand.

I think I finally got it...
I think I found my answer...
And when I saw the truth I...
I had to look away.

I guess I finally got it....
Now, I have my answer...
And I broke my own heart...
Today...

In Loving Memory...

Please forgive me, if I wasn't there...
How could your heart take so much pain...
How could I not know...why didn't I detect...
Your emotions collapsing from the strain...

You took everything from everyone...
And carried on with a smile happily...
I can't imagine the pain you felt inside...
As your world turned so dark you couldn't see...

And everything that seemed not well...
Is now so much clearer than before...
The picture was dim from where I stood...
But now my heart sees so much more...

I thought I knew you but couldn't see...
As you cried through laughter in my presence...
You had more wounds but let them be...
And silently bled in my absence...

Forgive me if I didn't say...
Forgive me if I didn't know...
Forgive me if I couldn't heal...
Forgive me if I couldn't go...

I wish you peace on your journey home...
And will forever love you with quiet grace...
May God grant you the comfort you deserved....
And guide you far from this hurtful place...

"Perhaps In Drifting"

Perhaps in drifting I shall brush,
Against the sharp edge of a blade,
And if the pressure is enough,
I shall learn the taste of pain.

Perhaps in drifting in the rain,
If the seas are high and water rough,
I shall learn to be afraid,
When waters around me with anger gush.

Perhaps in drifting I shall be blind,
Walking with trust instead of light,
And down that path, maybe I'll find,
A new love for all my sight.

Perhaps in drifting, I'll meet the night,
And all my days I'll leave behind,
I'll see the path that is ever right,
And trade my hurt, for something kind.

"The Art Of Letting Go"

Today is the day that I'll forgive,
The pain may stay, but I will live...
And it takes all I have left to give-
To let this slip away...

I cannot forget what you've done,
But now I see what I've become...
You're so cold you've left me numb-
And I can't stay this way.

This hurt and pain has been here for years,
Frustrations paint a picture with tears...
And I'm always left the one with fears-
Not knowing where to go...

Having the same blood doesn't make us the same,
Family is more than just a last name...
I wish you could see all of the pain-
Tis my faith, somehow you know...

Forgiveness today is the day,
To let it all slip away...
And bury the price I had to pay-
Today is the day I let go...

"Imperceptible To The One Who Counts..."

I am full to the brim with emptiness...
I am in a crowded room full of ghosts
I'm drowning in the deepness of sorrows aridity
With all eyes upon me, except the two that matter most.

I am freezing in the warmth of the blue fire...
And silence seems to be the only sound...
I never understood the reasons for understanding
Until I found the freedom that tied me down.

I am sleeping softly with my eyes wide open
I am whispering the words so loudly you can't hear....
I am blinded by the darkness...brightly overwhelming
Reassured by the insecure, securness of my fears

I am tempted by a sweetness...oh so bitter
Voiceless clatter fills me, until I cannot speak
Left with the pleasure of a toxic healing pain...
And a feeling inside so strong that I am weak...

I am falling hard softly, looking for a place to land
So lonely in this crowded room full of ghosts...
Stumbling across this room, predictable unknowing...
I have all eyes upon me, except the two that matter most...

"Somewhere Beyond"

When the days are dark and dreary,
And you're lingering at despairs pond...
Think of me and hold me close,
I'll meet you somewhere beyond...

When the blood spills forth from your soul,
And others turn their heads in shame...
I'll pick you up, and clean your wounds...
I'll love you just the same.

When you need to run away from them...
When you need to leave it all behind...
Hold on one minute, because I'm going with you,
Please, let me calm your weary mind.

When the demons come to overwhelm you,
And you feel you cannot be alone...
I'll be there to hold you down...
For your pain...it is my own.

So, when your nights are cold and quiet,
And you need someone to hold on,
Think of me, and I'll be close...
I'll meet you somewhere beyond.

"Glass"

Reflections through shattered glass...
Searching through broken pieces to find,
Peace for a restless soul,
And somewhere to calm a weary mind...

A double edged sword.
That leaves blood in my hands.
For only when it falls apart,
'Tis then I understand.

When I take it piece by piece,
And lay it all to rest...
I won't put it back together,
For the worst would be my best.

I'd rather leave it broken,
There is beauty in these scars,
For the reflection looking back,
Is no longer behind bars.

Reflections through shattered glass,
The reflection of me...
Torn all into pieces,
So I can finally see...

"Troubled Conscience"

In a secret chamber of my heart....
Where there's no room for a lie.
That is where I'm torn apart,
Left with no alibi...

In that closesly guarded center,
Behind such walls that none can scale,
Where deceit may never enter
And hypocrisy will fail.

There's a truth that's carved in stone,
One that took some time to make.
Monolithic, cold, alone...
And I know it will not break.

Often this truth has brought me to my knees
Where tears say what cannot be spoken
Where a light is shined that I might see
And fix what I have broken...

"The Cure"

Let me be the bandage that will stop all the bleeding...
Let me be the ocean that shall wash away your tears...
Let me be the refuge for all of your dark secrets...
Let me be the voice that can calm all your fears...

Love isn't love that dwells not in darkness
Nor is it love that shares not in ones shame...
Nor could I love, did I not have such sorrow
When in your eyes I see such depths of pain...

"Drifting Away..."

You're drifting so far away
So far out to sea...
If you won't come back for them..
Please, come back for me...
Don't leave me stranded here
With nothing but debris....
Of the person that I once knew
And the remains of such beauty.

You think that your the master
Can't you see you're just the slave
I watch all the ships sailng beside you
Moving towards their watery graves

Such a fate was never meant for you
And I just can't turn and look away
As the clouds gather in the horizon
And the skies turn dark and gray...

Don't you remember...
Or have you erased me from your mind?
As you've gone on your search for sunken treasure
Leaving everything so far behind....

You're a prisoner by your own doing
Bound by chains that you can't see...
You've set your sails on disaster
And packed your bags with misery....

The demons that drove you to her
That sent you so far out to sea...
They make you tell everyone your fine...
But, you know you can't fool me...

When you're lying in a cold sweat
Clutching the pillow beside your bed...
Haunted by dreams of MaryJane...
And a hunger that can't be fed...

The comfort that you're seeking
Leaves you empty and wanting more...
And I could fill that for you...
I'm waiting here at shore.

The sand sticks between my toes
As the water slowly pulls me in
I've been waiting for you so long
Only  the salt covers my skin.

I call your name like a siren,
As the wind turns bitter cold...
I'm waiting just like I said I would
But, there's nothing here to hold.

Places Others Cannot Go

J.M.F.

With everything inside me,
I wish that you could know,
How your words can pierce right through me,
In places others cannot go.

They take me so far down...
To places that I've never been.
And plunge me underneath the surface...
Then bring me back up again.

You've been my greatest joy,
And yet, with you, I've felt such pain.
It seems I always feel the mosts.
When 'ere I speak your name.

Tell me how can it be that,
You know not what you do,
Or the power that you hold...
Because of my love for you.

Two Years, Two Hundred and Seventy Days Since

Somewhere beyond the burdens, 

Beyond the rain showers of my tears

There is a meadow full of hope, 

Though long abandoned now for years...

Still, I'm headed there this morning, 

If I can only find my way…

Take a left when near the farthest star, 

Step back a thousand days...

Somewhere beyond this city…

Beyond the shadows of his face…

Past the measure of these moments, 

Lies a soft, forgiving place.

Somewhere beyond this sadness, 

Beyond all the hurtful sights…

There’s a light that shines the brightest, 

And all wrongs it can make right.

As that light shines on that meadow, 

I cannot help but gaze…

At the life that I once knew, 

As I step back a thousand days.

Bandon

I dreamed of oceans again..
I'm not sure how I ended up here...
As I awoke to feel the coldness,
Of my relentless tears...

It all came back to me,
As if a flood was pouring down.
Surrounding me like him...
And in his love I was left to drown.

Where the dark waves brush against the cliffs,
Tempting me to risk it all...
To run and jump and not look down,
To take my time and enjoy the fall.

I saw the house there by the sands,
And his hand reaching out to me,
I found him then, but could not hold..
Such a faded memory...